Ahh She Wants Money, Money, Money, Money!

A student moves into their new accommodation, excited about the prospects University will offer them over the next 3+ years, and the opportunities it will lead them to in their chosen careers. They meet new friends, and have a generally amazing first few weeks, leading up to their first lecture. They enjoy this lecture, and cannot wait to see what else they will be doing over the next year, and they go back to their accommodation. On the way, they remember they needed some money to pay for going out tonight, so they check the cash machine:

"Your balance is £1.37" is displayed on the screen. "No worries, my student finances comes through in a few days, and payday is tomorrow" thinks the student. A few days go by, and still the student has nothing in their account. So they ring up Student Finance, hoping to sort things out before they have to pay for their accommodation that they won't be able to afford. After being on hold for a full term (enduring the tortuous audio assault that is 'hold music'), the student has missed 40 lectures, 2 accommodation payments, and has not been able to eat or drink due to no money, thus making them resemble a Dawn of the Dead extra. Student Finance finally picks up, to tell the student that they are trying their level best to get money to the students. The student is forced to resort to prostitution, just to be able to afford food. Which is 'Sainsbury's Basics' shit anyway, and provides the same level of nutrition as the amount of money they have. Which is none. One night, while 'on the corner', the student is caught by police and arrested for 2 years. The police report to the media how common this has become amongst students. The student is given one phone call, which they use to phone student finance in a desperate last-ditch bid to get their deserved money. Again, as with thousands before them, they fail in their attempts. The two years prison were far too much for the student, and after being beaten for the 200th time by 'proper prisoners, there for murder and shit' for "being a posh educated c*nt" the student collapses, their will to live shattered. In their last dying breaths, they spit out "Fuck you Student Finance" before becoming another tragic waste of potential.