Car Boot FAIL

As we're desperate for money and have lots of spare time and random stuff clogging our houses, myself, Gibby and Jack decided to go to a car boot sale. Had to wake up at the frankly ridiculous time of 5am. On a Sunday morning. Hell, I didn't even know that time existed, having never witnessed it. This blog is linked to my Twitter, so you'll probably have seen the Twitpic of the amount of stuff I had. Along with Jack and Luke's stuff, the car was packed. I was crushed in the backseat, didn't even need a seatbelt due to the stuff holding me in place.

Before we'd even unpacked, the scroungers were hovering around the car asking what stuff we had. At this point, we realised that yes, car boot attendees are freaks. Even thought we'd been warned of how cheap car boot people (as if they're a separate race) nothing, NOTHING prepares you for how cheap they really are. People were turning their noses up at £5 for 2 lamps, £2 for an Action Man and 50p for a jug as if we were asking for their daughters virginity in return. I got asked how much the Furby (it's gonna be a must-have at Christmas) cost, and after saying the very reasonable price of "50 pence" she STILL tried to haggle me down to 30p. Which is not so much haggling for a bargain, as being a complete twat. Luke had a watch that was easily the most looked at thing on our stall, which means it was also the most declined. People were attracted by a nice watch, but put off by a £30 price tag, because as we all know, nice watches are always cheap. I got this crappy Rolex or summat t'other day for a mere £10,000, how dare he charge £30 for a watch! One woman even said:
Woman: That's a nice watch though, careful it doesn't get nicked.
Luke: That's what the recorder is for, to hit people with.
Woman: You'll need more than a recorder to beat them Kosovans off.
There's a two-for-one deal on laughable stuff there:
1) That she's being totally racist even though she can't afford the watch herself.
2) She said "beat them Kosovans off". Not in public love, there's brothels for that.

Everyone's will to live was tested, as we tried in vain to sell people things at acceptable prices, if we offered the car for a tenner, they'd have tried to knock the price down. Jack summarised this best: "When picking a price they'll pay, just think of the price that'll insult you most. Then half it." My personal favourite event of the entire day was when I offered this old bloke a keyboard for £3, the only way he could get it cheaper is if he stole it from me, and even then it's worth £3 to avoid the hassle. He then asked me if I could deliver it.
That's right, deliver.
It's a fucking car boot sale mate! I'm not eBay!
"Sure sir, would you like me to bend over so you can have your way with me, because that's the only way you could fuck me over anymore!"
In the end, I left about £15 better off, Jack £40 and Gibby £45.
I say better off, at the small price of severe emotional trauma and that my body clock is now so naffed up, it thinks it's 5 hours ahead of the actual time.

Anyway, I don't believe in karma (a little bit) for nothing, and later on after our bloody gorgeous KFC me and Luke saw two lesbians. Not just any lesbians.
Porno Lesbians.
Y'know, when they're both actually attractive. Now you may be thinking "Pffft, lads just saw two fit lasses together and because they're sex mad, assumed they were lesbians." But no. They actually kissed each other, so they were definitely of the 'carpet' pursuasion. We left just after they did and after they crossed the road, got off with each other.
Full-on got with each other.
Hell, Gibby nearly got ran over from staring, I couldn't be arsed to tell him he was going to get ran over from staring, it was the singular greatest thing ever and also shows just how easily a man's common sense can be overridden by something as simple as two hot women 'enjoying' each other's company...